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On the other hand, if you use Bisquick for making pancakes, this might be just up your alley.
But there are indeed vegetable-by-vegetable tricks that you need to know to use a knife. Onions are the easiest thing in the world to dice, without tears, when you know how to do it, taking advantage of the built-in concentric "cuts," but there is a little practice required.
If you have a lot of volume and are making something that doesn't need to be consistent sizes and shapes, and won't hurt to have the moisture knocked out of it (salsa, sauce additives, etc), use a real food processor. If you want to dice/cube/slice, and are a healthy adult, learn to use a good sharp knife like @Andrew_NY said. You'll get better results, with nicer looking food and moisture that stays in the veggies instead of pooling at the bottom of your plate.
This is a lot of cupboard/counter space for a one-trick-pony (salsa maker). And there's no way that's easy to clean unless you have a dishwasher
Is that the case @RonaldG?