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Nice joke there, but the wood is just for visual appeal.
Agreed. It's my understanding that the use of wood is really to reduce the use of plastic (more eco-friendly).
The dynamic quantum structure of the natural cellulitic planck strings results in a multi-dimensional auditory aura (adora) that greatly enhances the vibrational wave harmonics as it relates to the inner cilliatic transmitters producing holograhically calibrated packets that collapse uniformly.
Couldn't have said it better myself
Source: am not an audio engineer
Meh. If it isn't cryogenically sintered, it's junk. ;-)